A break from my usual life-related blog posts to talk about another big part of my life.
You don’t know what you don’t know until you know it.
Good days and bad days, all the same.
New York is full of lots of things – garbage, concrete, restaurants, money, and humans. Continue reading “HumaNYC”
2017 has not exactly been a banner year in m- and d-ental health for me.
Ah yes, the obligatory 2016 retrospective!
from obligatory-remarks import i-never-blog-anymore
I don’t want to leave. Does anyone? How do you even prepare?
Really, I always knew it would come to this. I remember lying in my bed sometime in January, amazed that so much time had already passed. In some sense I suppose I could say with a wistful sigh or panicked shout, “It went by so fast!” But that’s not right. It went by exactly as fast as it seemed to go, unforgiving, merciless and straight on towards its inevitable conclusion: May 27th, 2014.
There’s no denying that while I am sad to go, I am ready. We, the Duluth students, have spent nine months preparing for this. At first, we consoled each other and bonded over things that we missed, celebrated the discovery of some favorite American product in a local shop. We pleaded our Stateside counterparts to send us culinary contraband, and in return we sent missives of postcards and English chocolate. We stayed up with each other for hours, talking about the lives we had and planning our first steps off the plane and back into what we left behind.
Missing things is really a way of life. After a while, my Missings became more like an itchy scar than an open wound. Before I had a chance to realize it, I was sinking deeper and deeper into a new pool of Missings. Just as I began to enjoy my new cell, I have to leave it. And so, the cycle begins anew.
My last week has been spent doing “lasts” and saying goodbye. Last time going to Asda. Last time buying good chocolate. Last burger, last pizza, last pub, last full English breakfast. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. How do you say goodbye to so many people and things with such finality? I’ve determined that there is no good way. Goodbye is really only as final as I make it, though, because in some sense nothing will ever leave me.
Fortunately for me, fate is a terrible weaver. In the great tapestry of life, my thread has been crossed many times with many others, and they have all left their mark somewhere – from the trinkets in my bags to the memories in my head. It’s weird how even the most insignificant actions can have the most profound effects on others. In this sense, we can make our actions a message to the future.
For this reason, in true V for Vendetta style (and because I’m a sentimental moron) I hid a note in my room for the next occupant to find.
I’ve got nothing on my mind,
Nothing to remember,
Nothing to forget.
And I’ve got nothing to regret.
But I’m all tied up on the inside,
No one knows quite what I’ve got,
And I know that on the outside
What I used to be
Crossroads, Don McLean
By the time you read this, you’ll be leaving England. At the time of writing, you’ve been here almost two weeks.
It’s been a good two weeks. Hopefully the experiences you’ve had complete overshadow everything that’s happened so far though.
So I’ll write what I hope happens:
- Make friends in every class
- Have a good exchange weekend
- Spend Christmas with new people
- Spend New Year’s somewhere awesome
As you know, I’m not much for setting goals. But remember the reasons you came on this trip in the first place:
- Always wanted to study abroad
- Make new friends
- Leave home
- Forcefully eject self from ‘shell’
I think so far that I am satisfied with the trip – but I hope you are able to look back at this year and say without doubt that it was best year of your life. [editor’s note: so far…]
-Mitchell Rysavy, September 2013″