Clearer (Pt. 3)

It’s been longer than a week. No regrets. Well, some regret. Whoops.

The last question to answer as a part of this series is… why? Why did I write this?

I wanted to write about this as a total retrospective of sorts, but also because of something very important: my life has been on a sort of upswing and I am actually winding down my therapy sessions soon.

Last September Miranda and I traveled to Amsterdam for a week ahead of her month-long, solo study abroad program. Being back in Europe again was wonderful, but returning to an empty apartment was more difficult than I thought it would be. About three weeks in I worked myself into such a high state of anxiety that I all but stopped eating for a few days.

This was one of the catalysts for me finding a new general doctor when Miranda got back. The doctor’s office near me started me on the journey to my therapist, for which I will be eternally grateful, but other than that just increased my anxiety more than anything. So I found a new doctor to talk to about my mounting health anxiety, which had replaced the void left by receding other anxiety.

This led to the second life-changing mental health breakthrough I’ve experienced: a low dose daily prescription for anxiety. I was skeptical that it would do anything, and nervous, but I started it. After a few weeks, it was obvious to me and my therapist that it seemed to be working. Life-changing is not an understatement – for the first time in what feels like way too long, I am finally able to relax. My negative mental impulses are curbed. I feel calm.

All of that leads me to the end of this series. I haven’t ended therapy yet, but I will soon. I’ve started on a new team at Amazon – a decision I was able to make thanks to the newfound energy I have. There are still low points, but overall, I’ve found that I bounce back easier. That’s it. I feel normal again.

I hope that anyone that reads this in the future was able to get something from it, but it was nice for me to be able to talk about it all. I want to be more open about this because historically I haven’t been, and I want the people around me to know that’s okay to talk about these things if they need to.

Best of luck, everyone.